my sisters under your porch take her home
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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