I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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