I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
