What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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