Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
