I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
