NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
