when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
