I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
