Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize