my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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