I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
