in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
