Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
