It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
