I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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