he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
