I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize