Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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