I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
