Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
