I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
