TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
