she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
