you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
