I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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