I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
