I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
