Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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