I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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