I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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