there was a trapeze. enough said
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
