i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
