is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
