Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
