Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
