we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
