sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
