the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
