There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
