we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
