I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
