The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize