you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
