And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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