Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
