Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
