It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
