a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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