Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
