News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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