she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
this hospital has no fireball
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
