It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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