So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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