I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize