And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
