Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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