I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
