they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
