# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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