You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
