I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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