the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
