I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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