I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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