i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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