I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize