also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
