my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
