It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
