Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
