He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
