he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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