i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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