i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
