I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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