Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
