I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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