Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
