i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
