hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
