You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize