if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just had sex bonerless
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
