I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
