what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
