I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize