we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
