I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
