apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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