You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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