Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
