Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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