if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
