...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
