I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
