Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
