it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
