Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
