Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
