We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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