I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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