im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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