The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
