fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize