Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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