Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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