Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
