I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize