so explain again why im purple
no
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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