Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
