Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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