2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
