I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
