i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
