the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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