Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
