Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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