I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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