So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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