You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
